Divorce is never an easy decision. For many people, it is like cutting off a limb that is no longer useful. Perhaps your husband feels the same way you do. Maybe he has reasons for wanting a divorce that is not entirely selfish. In that case, you may both be happier if you can somehow come to an arrangement that satisfies both of you.
What should you do? Well, it depends. It really comes down to a matter of considering all of the facts and doing what seems right to you.
I, personally, would never suggest someone divorce their spouse unless there was absolutely no other choice. It is a terrible thing when two people are forced to live in misery because they cannot work out their problems together.
Now let’s talk about some reasons why he wants a divorce.
Denial:
The first reason he wants to divorce you can be denied is that it’s been a long time since you married, and he doesn’t want to get tied down again. Or perhaps he’s just like every other man, and he doesn’t love you anymore. That would be denial. He may want a divorce because he has grown weary of the battle and wants out. This is especially true if there are children involved.
Bargaining:
Another principal reason for wanting a divorce is that one or both parties have started to bargain with each other. Perhaps you have told him how much you love him and how sorry you are for all the things you have done which have hurt him. Maybe he has told you how much he loves you and how sad he is for all the horrible things he has said and done. In either case, neither of you are being honest with yourselves or each other. This is not the way to go and will only lead to more pain for both of you in the future.
Apathy:
One or both parties become so overwhelmed with daily life that they simply stop caring about the relationship. Perhaps your husband is working long hours and is so busy trying to make money that he has no time for you or his children. Maybe you have become so used to your daily routine that you have no interest in exploring any kind of romantic relationship. Either way, this situation is not healthy and will almost certainly lead to the demise of your marriage.
Anger:
Perhaps he is so angry at you right now for one reason or another that he wants a clean break. Maybe you are so filled with rage at him for one reason or another that you want a clean break. This can quickly arise when two people have been together for a long time and their feelings and needs are not being met. If this is the case, it may be helpful for both of you to seek the advice of a good, objective third party. Perhaps one of your friends could serve as a mediator, or maybe your church or a local divorce attorney could help. Do not try to work things out on your own. If you genuinely love your spouse, you must do everything in your power to save the relationship.
Codependency:
Perhaps one or both of you have an unhealthy need to be needed. Maybe one or both of you have a deep-rooted fear of being alone. Perhaps you are so caught up in your own lives that you have lost sight of his. Whatever the case, if this is true, it will almost certainly lead to the demise of your marriage. You see, when two people are stuck in a rut like this, it is practically impossible for either of them to grow and change. And without growth and change, there can be no vitality in the relationship.
Control/Power Struggle:
“Perhaps he wants complete control over everything in the relationship. Maybe you want full control over everything in the relationship.” Is this what you want?. Perhaps you want him to have total control until about three months into the marriage, and then you want to take control permanently. Maybe you fight over money all the time, and he fights over sex all the time. This can quickly arise when two people have been together for a long time and their feelings and needs are not being met. If this is the case, it may be helpful for both of you to seek the advice of a good, objective third party. Perhaps one of your friends could serve as a mediator, or maybe your church or a local divorce attorney could help. Do not try to work things out on your own. If you genuinely love your spouse, you must do everything in your power to save the relationship.
Lack Of Commitment:
Perhaps your husband just does not have the “stomach” for a long-term marriage. Maybe he is unwilling to make a real effort to change or live up to the responsibilities of being in a marriage relationship. Perhaps he is not even capable of changing. Whatever the reason, if this is true, it is best for all concerned to get his freedom now, while things are still OK.
Guilt:
Maybe you have done something that caused your husband or wife to want a divorce, or perhaps you feel guilty about not saving the marriage. Maybe you’ve been unfaithful and are feeling guilty about that too. In any case, guilt is a principal reason people give for wanting a divorce. It is never helpful and almost always creates more problems than it solves. The truth is, none of us is without sin, and unless you are perfect (which means you will never be in a healthy relationship with another person), then you will always be burdened with some degree of guilt. If your partner does not share your guilt, he is not an honest man and probably not someone you want to be with anyway.
Fear:
Perhaps your husband is afraid he will never find someone as good as you to marry. Maybe he is worried he will lose you to another man. Maybe he is even more afraid of what will happen to him if he stays with you. Whatever the reason, if your mate feels this way, it is best for all concerned if he gets his freedom now, while things are still OK.
Unhappiness:
Perhaps you two are just not “right” for each other. Maybe you are too different in many ways. Maybe you have very different values. Perhaps one or both of you are just not happy. When this is true, it is best to know it as soon as possible, before years and years of wasted time have been spent. Don’t wait until everything is “broken” before you decide to end the relationship. Know when it’s over before it’s over. Don’t let the “bait and switch” tactics of “honeymooning” together, followed by a “cold shoulder” divorce, put you off. If you are both on the same page, then there is no need to rush into anything. However, if you have any doubt at all, then it is better to cut your losses early than to find yourself (much later) wishing you had not wasted so much time and energy on an unhappy relationship.
Inability To Communicate:
Perhaps you cannot even talk about your problems without blowing up at each other. Maybe neither of you can admit you have a problem or are even partially at fault for a situation. Perhaps you fight like cats and dogs and never seem to be able to resolve your differences. If this is true, then maybe it is time for you both to seek the help of a mature, objective third party. A third-party neutral source will analyze your situation and help you see the options more clearly. They won’t take a side but provide valuable input that allows you to work on a solution that works for both parties or just yourself.
Disagreements:
Perhaps one or both of you just do not agree with what the other person is saying. Or maybe you are just unable to understand what the other person is trying to tell you. This is very common with newlyweds. They often have different ideas and opinions about almost everything. In time, this will even out. However, if it does not, then perhaps it is time for you both to seek the help of a mature, objective third party. Someone who will not take sides but who will help you examine your situation honestly and help you find a way to a healthy solution. Physical
Separation:
Perhaps you live in different states or countries. Maybe you work extra hours or have completely different schedules. Perhaps one of you has a child or another relative with special needs, and you both have different levels of patience and tolerance when dealing with such situations. If this is true, then perhaps it is time for you both to seek the help of a mature, objective third party. Some people don’t take sides and will help you to do an accurate analysis of your situation. They can provide you with a way to both parties and find a healthy solution and grow as a person for this challenging time.
Acceptance:
Perhaps you are just too young and foolish to accept that there are some things in life over which you have no control whatsoever. Maybe you are too immature to recognize that sometimes things happen beyond your control, and you simply have to accept this as part of life. If this is true, then perhaps it is time for you both to seek the help of a mature, objective third party. Someone who is accurate with their life advice and can help you with issues or problems that may come up They won’t take sides, but they will provide you with valuable advice and insights.
Bankruptcy:
Perhaps you are just too young and foolish to understand that filing bankruptcy does not wipe out your entire debt. Most often, when people file for bankruptcy, they can keep almost all of their property. However, bankruptcy does put a stop to most forms of collection activity. This means you will no longer be hounded by phone calls, letters, and visits from people trying to collect debts that you either do not know about or which you have already paid. If this is true, then perhaps it is time for you both to seek the help of a mature, objective third party. A person who will not side with you but is qualified to help you examine your situation honestly and identify a way for you to reach a healthy solution
Regret:
Perhaps you are just too young and foolish to understand that life is filled with choices and that sometimes these choices lead you down a path that ends in regret. If this is true, then perhaps it is time for you both to seek the help of a mature, objective third party. Anyone looking for an unbiased decision-maker should hire this person. This individual will help you explore your options, look at your possible outcomes, and help you find a way to a healthy solution without taking sides.
Trust:
Perhaps you are just too young and foolish to understand that sometimes things happen in life over which you have no control whatsoever. If this is true, then perhaps it is time for you both to seek the help of a mature, objective third party.
Grief:
Perhaps you are just too young and foolish to understand that sometimes things happen in life over which you have no control whatsoever. If this is true, then perhaps it is time for you both to seek the help of a mature, objective third party. If any of these situations sound like they might be true in your relationship, then perhaps it is time for you to enlist the help of an experienced Third Party. Someone who has been through the wringer many times before and will not take sides, but who will help you examine your situation honestly and help you find a way to a healthy solution.
5 Ways to Prevent Getting Divorce
- Don’t be too proud to ask for help. If you feel you need it, don’t be afraid to ask for it. Don’t try to do it all alone. It will only make things worse.
- Don’t nag, harangue, or give ultimatums. If either of you does that, then you are both playing a dangerous game. If you do that often enough, you will both end up resenting each other, and one of you will most certainly end up leaving.
- Don’t fight about money. If you do that, you may find yourself in a situation where one or both of you have to get a job and borrow money from someone you don’t know very well. That could turn out to be a disaster for both of you. Instead, work out a fair and reasonable distribution of income and expenses. Make sure you both understand the numbers and have no excuses.
- Don’t nag. If something’s bothering you, don’t drag your mate into it. Instead, talk about it rationally. Don’t get angry or use sarcasm; that’ll just turn your mate off and make the situation worse.
- Set reasonable expectations. Don’t expect your mate to read your mind or know exactly what you want to do or say. Don’t expect them to be perfect. Instead, accept your mate as they are and appreciate everything they do for you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why does my husband want a divorce?
Divorce is a very personal and intensely emotional decision, and it’s not something that should be decided upon based on logic alone. However, there are many reasons why a couple might choose to end their marriage. One of those reasons is if one or both partners is (or appears to be) emotionally or physically unfaithful to the other.
How can I help my husband and stay married?
This is a common question among newlyweds. There are many things you can do to help your marriage stay strong. Here are just a few suggestions:
- Avoid nagging and arguing.
- Don’t be afraid to show affection in public.
- Spend time together as a couple. Don’t spend all your time at home watching TV or playing video games.
- Set reasonable goals for yourself and work hard to accomplish them.
Should I tell him that I still love him?
Absolutely! Even if it seems like there’s no hope. Even if he doesn’t believe you. Even if he thinks you’re crazy. Tell him anyway. It will make you feel better, and it might even motivate him to change.
Even if it doesn’t work, at least you tried.
How do I show my love for my husband without making it obvious?
Try this: every night before you go to bed, give your husband a big hug and a little kiss. Tell him how much you love him and how much you appreciate all he does for you. That will make him feel special and loved, and it will show him that you don’t take his love for granted.
How do you make your husband love you again when he wants a divorce?
Tell him about all the beautiful things he has been missing by not being around you! Remind him how much you appreciate his efforts (even if they weren’t always appreciated) and assure him that you will do everything within your power to make sure he misses out on nothing else in life.
Can you love someone and still want a divorce?
Yes, you can. However, it is not advisable. If you are in a destructive relationship, you need to get out as soon as possible. There is no sense lingering in such a situation, hoping things will change for the better. It’s like walking across a field of landmines. One false step, and you’ll be blown to smithereens.
How do you divorce when you still love your spouse?
You don’t. That would be like asking a bee to fly off with only half its wings. However, if your spouse is an idiot (or worse, an emotionally unavailable jerk), then you may want to think about getting a ‘quickie divorce.
What do I do if my husband wants a divorce and I don t?
The first thing you should do is stop nagging him about it. If he wants a divorce, he will get one, whether you like it or not. The second thing you should do is make sure you have a financial plan in place for the future. A prenuptial agreement is a good idea, as is having some sort of life insurance policy on both of you. This way, your estate will be taken care of even if you do end up getting a divorce.
How do you know when your marriage is really over?
When both parties can agree that it is time to call it quits!
Don’t feel guilty if you’ve reached this point in your relationship. Sometimes, one or both parties simply have had enough. Don’t be afraid of being alone. You’ll get over this phase faster than you think, and soon enough, you’ll be wondering how you ever lived without each other.
Remember: It’s not you; it’s them!
What are the five stages of a divorce?
They are:
- Denial; (“It can’t be true! It can’t be happening to me!”)
- Anger; (“Why her? Why now?”)
- Bargaining; (“If only she’d…”)
- Acceptance; (“I give up. It’s over.”)
- Forgiveness. (“She didn’t mean it. She’ll come around.”)
What are the signs that your husband is not in love with you anymore?
He no longer thinks you are sexy. He no longer wants to have sex with you. He spends more time with his friends than with you. He stops looking at you with desire. He is no longer turned on by the way you dress or the way you make him laugh. He hardly seems to notice you at all.
When this happens, it’s time for you to get yourself a new boyfriend. It’s easy.
How does a narcissist end a marriage?
By making the spouse feel insignificant and unloved.
Narcissists are experts at making their partners feel small. They do this by constantly putting their partner down in front of other people and, when possible, in private.
One way a narcissist makes his partner feel small is by comparing her with other women. He’ll say things like, ‘You know honey, you really ought to learn to dress better. Those jeans you’re wearing are too casual.